Distracting myself from being destructive again...

I seriously think I have slight ESP...and I'm not joking or just a very strong intuition...I had a feeling someone was doing something they shouldn't be...even though I thought we resolved it a while ago...just today...and what the fuck do you know? They were...or are...and I've come to the point where I'm done. Extremely done and it fucking sucks because I need to go away from this and I have no where to go...

Just so I don't ramble on let me just say this...the Twilight saga is probably the most amazing series out there in my opinion...that I've read. I really liked Twilight when I was done that it made me want to read New Moon...I read New Moon and though a lot of people didn't like the fact that the story was dragged out longer than it should've been I thought it was necessary for the suspense at the book's end...I bought Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and I just finished reading Eclipse after starting it yesterday....the book had a bunch of different points that made me laugh out loud and I love that. I love that I can visualize what's going on in the story and I love how the story can pull me in and make me want to keep reading...I'm resisting the urge to open up Breaking Dawn because even though I'm eager to read it, I'm sad it's the last of the series. I don't know if it's the finale book of the Twilight saga or not but it's the last one that's out now and I don't want it to end...so I stopped myself from starting it today and I told myself I would study for my psychology final on Monday...and I have yet to study. The book is sitting on my bed and I am sitting here across the room avoiding it...as much as I do wanna open it and start reading.

I'm doing this blog post because I need to distract myself from self compusting...I wanna run outside and do anything that'll take away the hurt I feel because someone I thought I could trust over anyone else hurt me...and I don't think I can forgive them anymore...

No it's not a romantic loved one but someone more important...and I can't even begin to imagine how they can't even care that I'm hurt and don't care what they're doing does to me...I just can't even believe that they could be so stupid...I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm hurt and I wish I could just slap that person but I won't because I'm not violent and I'm better than that. I want to get away and I will get away.

I wanna run outside and get mind blowingly drunk so that even though it won't go away, I can forget it for now...maybe I'll get hit by a car...that'll make things easier I don't need to be here anymore...there's no point...