Nineteen Minutes

Before I get started, I already know people will disagree with some things I say and I fully accept that, this is just what's on my mind.

I read a book titled Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. I'm not going to give the story away for anyone who may want to check it out nor will I give away the name of the shooter, but the main thing is, it's a fictional story about a high school shooting in New Hampshire, pretty much instigated by years of bullying and teasing. I will give away that the shooter doesn't get to kill himself in the process as we've known many real life school shooters to do, but instead is taken into custody by the local detective. The book is pretty much what led to the shooting and the trial thereafter.

Whilst reading, I found myself sympathizing more with the shooter than with the shooting victims. Mostly because the shooter is a victim himself. Sure, people get bullied and teased, unfortunately it's a part of society and I guess a part of human nature. However, the people doing the teasing and bullying don't see the real long-term damage they're doing to people. I've been teased mostly in elementary and middle school and it hurt, but I'm grateful that it wasn't a constant bother or to the extent of pushing me over the edge as it often does to others.

Some people don't realize that just because a person doesn't physically show that they're being hurt by what negative things people say or do to them, that it actually does hurt and affect them inside. Of course most people choose to hide their feelings in fear that showing any signs of vulnerability will further brand them as a target, and sadly they're right. I know that going into a school or any place opening fire and aiming to injure and kill is wrong, and people may think I'm wrong for saying this, but throughout the book I found myself wanting the jury to find the shooter not guilty. I wanted them to set him free, because I saw him as already being a prisoner. He was locked up in his own personal hell. Not being able to go to school which is supposed to be a safe haven, without being pushed around, humiliated and belittled, having his personal feelings exploited to embarrass him for the enjoyment of others. Having no one at all to turn to, because the people whom he should be able to ask for help, don't.

What happens when you're not strong enough to count on yourself anymore? What happens when other people have the ability to completely destroy you inside after years of constantly striking your core, causing slow, painful and permanent damage? What is left to do when all your resources have run dry? They say be mindful of the way you live your life because of karma. What goes around comes around. But what happens when what comes back around is worse than what went around in the first place? Obviously it isn't in your best interest to purposely harm others and yourself, but is revenge acceptable as a last resort?

In this book and in some actual cases of school shootings, people tend to feel bad and take the sides of the people who were harmed during these rampages, but they don't stop to think about the fact that their "victims" are too the criminals. Sometimes innocent people who are irrelevant in the premeditated plan are caught in the middle and that is unfortunate. However, shouldn't the blame be first put onto the initial aggressors? For what reasons do these people deem it necessary to make someone else's life a living hell? Insecurities? Their own problems that they can't seem to find answers for, so while they're miserable, the only sensible thing to do is make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse? They're completely forgetting the fact that no matter how much you torture another person, your problems don't disappear. They just don't seem as bad. Also, they fail to see that they're causing havoc on someone else who is fully capable of causing the same amount of trouble, or worse. So while you're grieving and sympathizing with physical victims, asking yourself why? Look to your precious victims for some insight. Newton's third law of motion, "to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." When the aggressor's plan is set into motion, that triggers that of their victim, which can and should make others think twice about the way they treat others.

It's just sad that something tragic has to happen before people develop common sense. I don't know if this all makes 100% sense, and I definitely didn't get all of what I wanted to say into this entry, but basically this is it. I was going to get into how it's ridiculous when people start to blame music for such disasters but I could go on and on, because music is that important to me, so we'll save that for another entry, another time. Bottom line, watch the things you do and say to people, no matter how little they may seem to you. It could turn into the biggest regret you never thought you'd have. Maybe Confucius had it right, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.