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Hurricane Season

This weekend Hurricane Irene, later named Tropical Storm Irene visited the east coast. So, while I was home with nothing to do, I came up with this look that I titled Hurricane Season. If you'd like to learn how to recreate this look on your eyes, click the link below for a step-by-step tutorial. =]

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Tigerlily

The original version of this look didn’t have red in it, but I thought the red would give it a deeper look. When I was done with this it reminded me of the character Tigerlily from the cartoon version of Peter Pan.

If you would like to learn how to recreate this look, click the link below for a step-by-step tutorial. =)

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Aliens & Rainbows

If anyone saw me at City College on Thursday, April 28, 2011 at Spoke~N~Heard's Poetry for Life event then you saw me wearing this eye shadow look. I love this look, it's very fun and vibrant. It's definitely not an every day look, but if you're looking for something bold and colorful, here it is. 

To learn how to recreate this look on your eyes, click the link below for a step-by-step tutorial. :)

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Sprite (1st Eyeshadow Tutorial)

I haven't used this blog in a long time, but I figured this would be a good place to put this. I've been tracking the various eyeshadow looks I do on myself with pictures on Facebook. A schoolmate asked me to do a tutorial for a look that I call "Sprite." I didn't have the proper setting for a video tutorial, nor did I feel ready for that yet, so I just did a step-by-step written tutorial with corresponding photos. I hope this helps. =]

If you would like to learn how to recreate this look on your eyes, click the link below for a step-by-step tutorial. =)

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There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how...

So I haven't written here in such a long time and it's mainly because I haven't been able to get my thoughts in order enough to make sense to even me, so why would I wanna create a mindfuck for anyone else? Here are just some things I've been contemplating regarding certain situations and little constants in life...

What's the sense in people telling me to be myself when even then I can't breathe easy?

I've been thinking about this for a while, people tell me this all of the time and I'm starting to sense some insincerity in their words. When I am myself, it then starts to become displeasing to those exact people and more. Things I do or things I say, they don't like or are bothered by them. Hm, shouldn't you now accept it, I'm just doing what you told me to do. Things I say and things I do, are me being who I am. So what's the problem now?

Now, it isn't in my nature to hurt people and I don't intentionally do things to turn people away, insult them or make them not want to be around me. So how can I reach a medium, being myself and at the same time making sure everyone around me is content? Or should I just stick to being myself not caring what others feel or think about it? Then with that, you're alone all the time while being surrounded by a bunch of people.

They ask why I don't care, so then I care, but then I'm too caring. They ask why I'm like a robot, so I show some emotion, but then they can't deal with them. Then they ask why I'm so mean and why am I so cruel? Why? Because I'm honest? I say shit that everyone is thinking, but won't say? What exactly would you all like from me? Maybe I should get a dial surgically put into me that let's people program me to fit their liking and then everyone will be happy. Yeah? No, negative. I'm so tired of people and their demands. Honestly, it's tiring and believe it or not it cuts me down, bit by bit. Treat me like a human being, just like you have feelings, I do as well. You don't think the shit people do and say doesn't affect me?

I kinda feel like a broken record here, because I've written about this so many times or have spoken about it and people don't change, and I don't expect them to, but I'm gonna need people to not expect me to either. Why should I change and mold myself into someone who pleases you because it's convenient to you?

Sigh...it is what it is...

I'm pretty sure some of my friends have this distorted idea of what I think/feel about them, but I can almost guarantee it's much more than what they see/hear on the surface or what they think they know. My feelings run a lot deeper than most, but I'm usually too afraid to express such feelings in fear of what they'll say or think... *shrug* just being honest...

Yes, I'm complaining about the way you type...

Stop Typing Like a Douche

by Liv Brock

***This has been done time and time again, but I feel the need to rant about it. Maybe in hopes that if you hear it, read it and see it over and over again it'll seep in. I will admit that I'm somewhat harsh, but it's all very simple and hard to believe that people don't have the ability to type properly, all by stupid choice. I don't care if you agree or not but this irritates me and this is my blog, so you're going to have to deal.

Why, why oh why people of the internet? Why must you type like you have no type of formal education? I get the whole internet abbreviations and internet lingo (lol, brb, bbl, etc.) That is not what I'm referring to. I'm referring to the people who cut down words and replace letters with numbers or punctuation. I'm referring to the people who add unecessary letters in words. (I'm not talking about at the end like thissssss) I'm talking about this: ii'm so tiired) Sadly, I've seen it, and not just by the young and naive, but from people who should know better. It doesn't make you seem adorable, you just look like you're making the same stupid typo over and over. Also, leaving a letter out of a word is just lazy. That is not abbreviating and it is not cute.

There is absolutely no reason for you to leave out letters in words. Abbreviating phrases is acceptable. The word "the" is a THREE letter word. Why do people cut it down to "da" and "tha"? Try saying a sentence using "da" instead of properly pronouncing the word. You'll sound stupid. And "tha"? Really? You can type "thA" but not "thE"? What malfunction occurred? The same goes for the words: what (wut, wat) and when (wen).

Others and their retarded variations:

Girl- Grl (What is wrong with using ONE more letter?), Gurl (Really? What do you have against the letter i?), Giirl (Just one i is needed, thanks), Girlz/Grlz/Gurlz (Just no)

Boy- Boi (What's wrong with the letter y?) Boyz/Boiz (Again, just no)

Like- Lyke (Again with the i), Lyk (Need I say more?)

If you use these or omit unecessary letters, someone should hit you, hard.

How do you function is school? Do you honestly do assignments typing like that? Oh yeah, blah blah the internet isn't school. I know, but sadly it's been done where people have dumbed down their typing online that it's reflected in their actual work. In school I've done peer reviews and I've seen papers with "u" and "y" and dare I say it: "lol" REALLY? u and y are not words, nor is the acronym lol, an acceptable word.

Now, see if you can pay attention: Basic Grammar

There: Mostly used for destination. Opposite of here. ex. I'm going over there. I like that dress over there. Etcetera.

They're: Short for they are. ex. They're going to be excited. They're going to love this gift. Etcetera.

Their: A form of possession. ex. That is their dog. This is their home. Etcetera.

You're: Short for you are. ex. You're 20 minutes late. You're going to get in trouble.

Your: A possessive form of you. ex. Is that your jacket? I'm shopping for your birthday gift.

It's: Short for it is or it has. ex. It's hot in here. It's 3 in the morning. It's been 2 hours since we left. Etcetera.

Its: The possessive form of it. ex. The dog is chasing its tail. The book has lots its cover. Etcetera.

Pretty simple, right? Well apparently online, they're all the same. So many people misuse those words and it's extremely irritating to me. It's really amusing and sad at the same time when I see celebrities twittering and misusing those words. Then again, they're people too right? Sadly.

*In the english language capital letters, when used properly go within titles, at the beginning of a sentence and names and are used for acronyms.

Your Sentence Should Not Look Like This.

THIS IS KIND OF ANNOYING TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO NEED FOR AN ENTIRE SENTENCE OR MULTIPLE SENTENCES TO BE IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

Unless, you know, you want to showcase your extreme anger online.

An acronym, for the people who don't know, is a word formed from the initial letters of a set phrase or series of words.

Ex:

ASPCA- The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

PETA- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

USA- United States of America

Then there are the ones commonly used online, which are acceptable.

BRB

TTYL

LOL

BTW

Etcetera. I know I don't have to elaborate on those.

WoUlD yOu WaNt To rEAD aN eNtiRe pAsSaGe oF wRiTiNg TyPeD oUt LiKe ThIs?

Pr3Tty Pr1nCeS$

B@biI33 GuRrL

$3Xy kItTy

Oh mAi gAwd!!!1!!1!

I rest my case. That hurt my fingers just typing the above examples. It's also sort of a mind fuck for my eyes. My point is, it isn't hard to type like you're not stupid. One extra key to hit to complete a short word won't kill you. A lot more people will respect you if you type properly. Who enjoys looking like a jackass? Save yourself the trouble and headaches. =]

Nineteen Minutes

Before I get started, I already know people will disagree with some things I say and I fully accept that, this is just what's on my mind.

I read a book titled Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. I'm not going to give the story away for anyone who may want to check it out nor will I give away the name of the shooter, but the main thing is, it's a fictional story about a high school shooting in New Hampshire, pretty much instigated by years of bullying and teasing. I will give away that the shooter doesn't get to kill himself in the process as we've known many real life school shooters to do, but instead is taken into custody by the local detective. The book is pretty much what led to the shooting and the trial thereafter.

Whilst reading, I found myself sympathizing more with the shooter than with the shooting victims. Mostly because the shooter is a victim himself. Sure, people get bullied and teased, unfortunately it's a part of society and I guess a part of human nature. However, the people doing the teasing and bullying don't see the real long-term damage they're doing to people. I've been teased mostly in elementary and middle school and it hurt, but I'm grateful that it wasn't a constant bother or to the extent of pushing me over the edge as it often does to others.

Some people don't realize that just because a person doesn't physically show that they're being hurt by what negative things people say or do to them, that it actually does hurt and affect them inside. Of course most people choose to hide their feelings in fear that showing any signs of vulnerability will further brand them as a target, and sadly they're right. I know that going into a school or any place opening fire and aiming to injure and kill is wrong, and people may think I'm wrong for saying this, but throughout the book I found myself wanting the jury to find the shooter not guilty. I wanted them to set him free, because I saw him as already being a prisoner. He was locked up in his own personal hell. Not being able to go to school which is supposed to be a safe haven, without being pushed around, humiliated and belittled, having his personal feelings exploited to embarrass him for the enjoyment of others. Having no one at all to turn to, because the people whom he should be able to ask for help, don't.

What happens when you're not strong enough to count on yourself anymore? What happens when other people have the ability to completely destroy you inside after years of constantly striking your core, causing slow, painful and permanent damage? What is left to do when all your resources have run dry? They say be mindful of the way you live your life because of karma. What goes around comes around. But what happens when what comes back around is worse than what went around in the first place? Obviously it isn't in your best interest to purposely harm others and yourself, but is revenge acceptable as a last resort?

In this book and in some actual cases of school shootings, people tend to feel bad and take the sides of the people who were harmed during these rampages, but they don't stop to think about the fact that their "victims" are too the criminals. Sometimes innocent people who are irrelevant in the premeditated plan are caught in the middle and that is unfortunate. However, shouldn't the blame be first put onto the initial aggressors? For what reasons do these people deem it necessary to make someone else's life a living hell? Insecurities? Their own problems that they can't seem to find answers for, so while they're miserable, the only sensible thing to do is make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse? They're completely forgetting the fact that no matter how much you torture another person, your problems don't disappear. They just don't seem as bad. Also, they fail to see that they're causing havoc on someone else who is fully capable of causing the same amount of trouble, or worse. So while you're grieving and sympathizing with physical victims, asking yourself why? Look to your precious victims for some insight. Newton's third law of motion, "to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." When the aggressor's plan is set into motion, that triggers that of their victim, which can and should make others think twice about the way they treat others.

It's just sad that something tragic has to happen before people develop common sense. I don't know if this all makes 100% sense, and I definitely didn't get all of what I wanted to say into this entry, but basically this is it. I was going to get into how it's ridiculous when people start to blame music for such disasters but I could go on and on, because music is that important to me, so we'll save that for another entry, another time. Bottom line, watch the things you do and say to people, no matter how little they may seem to you. It could turn into the biggest regret you never thought you'd have. Maybe Confucius had it right, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Brief update...

It's been a while since I've posted anything and frankly, it's just because I don't really have much to say. Well, I actually have a lot to say, but mostly it stays in my head and passes too quickly to actually write down. This entry and the next had to physically be written out in a notebook before it was on here, just because I'd get distracted if I were to type it out first. I have to do the same thing with my school papers or they'd take longer than they already do to get done.

Speaking of school, I'm so ready for this semester to start, not because I enjoy doing classwork, homework and papers, because I don't at all, but because it gives me something to do and somewhere to go so I don't have to stay in my house all day since there is nothing else to do.This semester I'll be there five days a week and while I'm sure it'll be tiring and annoying after a while, I'll probably start to appreciate the time I get to be home. I actually like being on my campus though.

Anyway, enough about school, if anything is worth writing about when I get there I'll be sure to post it. Although I'm sure no one even reads this. I should just keep a private journal, but I tend to stop writing in those as well. Oh yeah, P.S. on the school thing, books this semester are ridiculous. There's just no reason 5 books right now should come up to about $350. Not to mention, there's probably another book I have to buy which I'm waiting for the professors to post, if they decide to. I'll be extremely grateful if they don't require one for this semester, but I highly doubt it.

Darlene will be here for a week from August 18th to the 25th, which should be awesome. She's been in Maine for like two years or something and last time I saw her was a few months ago in Boston. Which was pretty cool, despite some issues caused by an outside party. However, I'm looking forward to her visit. I know she'll have me running all around this city, but it'll be something to do for the week before classes start.

Hmm, I think I have enough school supplies (i.e notebooks, pens, paper) that's pretty much all you need for college, besides the required shit your professors want you to get. I definitely need to go shopping for clothes. I'm gonna need them since I'll be on campus more instead of the three days a week I was able to pull off for the passed two semesters.

Okay, so the real reason I wanted to write today was because I read this book that I really enjoyed and felt obliged to respond to, so that'll be in the post above this one, ciao.

Oh blog, I send my apologies.

I haven't written in a long time and I don't have much to write now, but I will say that people, especially people of the female persuasion, irritate my life.

My birthday is in 12 days, I'll be 20...I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

Hm for whatever reason I went to check my grades for the passed semester and I noticed that my psych of child development grade was changed, and now it's higher. It's now a B+ as opposed to that C+ that used to be there. Bringing my GPA for the spring 09 semester up from a 3.4## to a 3.676. My GPA for the fall 09 was 3.675 and my cumulative GPA is 3.676. Good stuff =)

I'm out, ciao.

P.S. I think I need to compile a list of "Things you have to know about Liv" should people want to keep our acquaintance functioning properly. People do and say a lot of irritating things. That will be in the works soon.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize...

Updating from my blackberry even though my laptop is right over my head. I'm much more comfortable where I am.

I am currently re-reading New Moon for the third time because I clearly have no life. I just saw the New Moon trailer last night and I must say that Taylor Lautner looks quite banging. I just wish he were older so I didn't feel like a perv. It's like a bunch of girls saying Nick Jonas is sexy, that is weird. Although the kid is pretty good looking...alright I'm done with the children.

Let's see, school is officially dunzo for this semester. I've gotten 3/4 of my final grades and so far I'm content. I got an A in speech, B+ in intro to theatre arts which surprised me, because I barely paid any attention at all in that class. The biggest shocker was a C+ in infancy and childhood. I'm not proud of the C+, but I am at the same time because I definitely thought I'd get lower than that. It was ridiculous trying to learn anything in that class when all the professor did was read information off power point slides too fast for us to copy down any notes. It irritated me and I ended up giving up on trying to listen to her. But I take my C+ and I'll wear it proudly on my transcript lol. Right now I'm just waiting for spanish which I'm not worried about, it should be a good grade. =) Possibly and hopefully in the A-B range.

iiiiiiiiiiiii want a Mac book =) I don't know why I chose to make that sing songy but I did. And I still want a mac book. I like my dell for the most part but it has its issues that I could do without and my point is that I want a mac book. The end.

Hmm, as for the title of the blog, I've been dealing with some internal clashes. I'm experiencing something I never though would ever happen and it's got me a little thrown off. I'm slowly but surely dealing with it, but still trying to figure it out. I'm at a standstill right now. And speaking of which I wrote a little something, very little. I haven't written any poetry in a long time so this was my attempt at it. I tried to rhyme some stuff, but it's kind of prose-ish. I wrote it late last night, or really early this morning?

Stranger

The roaring buzz of my unspoken thoughts
Has become the background music in my head
A single thought craving for attention
But my conscience leaves it unfed
A feeling bangs on the doors of my mind
But I fear the stranger on the other side
I cower, hoping to leave this force behind
The energy leaves me breathless
Like I'm running away from one thing,
But towards another too
I run until I get to the cross road,
What should I do?
Do I choose the person I've always been,
Or transform into the person I think I've become?
My thoughts are rambling against my will
The fork in the road is waiting,
But for now I am at a standstill...
-Liv Brock
June 1, 2009

Okay, enjoy. My thumbs hurt now. Ciao darlings. xoxo

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

It's been a while...

Tomorrow I'm offcially done with classes for this semester...spanish and psych finals on Monday...I'm okay with the spanish but the psych one worries me. I'm gonna have to get some hardcore studying in before Monday.

I'd just like to throw this out there, I now understand why some guys are huge assholes, and why those assholes are hoes. Not insulting, just throwing out some respect. 

That's all I'm gonna say about that situation.

I don't even know anymore, I'm out. 

I could stay lost in this moment forever...

Hello, hello it's been a while...kinda sorta, not really but hello anyway. I'm currently listening to "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith, which I've posted about before. =]

Uh let's see...I just got done with a shit load of work.
Finale speech, which is a creative one, I did it about my poetry...blah blah
Two speech response papers
Last psychology paper

Needless to say I'm tired and I think I wanna read, which I'll do after this post.

What's up with me...uhm I was put in charge of One Luv Unity Fest which is a party WCCR has every year since last year and I hope it works out because I only have a short time to get everything set up seeing as it's on the 7th of May.

The TEP Masquerade boat party is coming up on the 2nd of May and I'm excited for that, I haven't partied in a while...

Let's see what my schedule is so far...there's only about 3 weeks left of school.

Monday 4/27- Class all day 8-8 and I have to register at some point between that....which reminds me I need to see what else is open right now so I can have an idea of what I can and can't take next semester.

Tuesday 4/28- Free, but I'll probably be doing school work, spanish homework and I have to start on a 7-10 page paper for theatre...kill me.

Wednesday 4/29- Class all day 8-8...giving last speech

Thursday 4/30- Usually I'd be at home, but I'm working WCCR's music festival during club hours between 12 and 2 pm then I'll be staying all day preparing for WCCR's B-Boy/DJ Battle which is the same day that night from 7-11pm...I'll also be working that.

Friday 5/1- Spanish class from 12-2, Comedy of Error play for theatre class I guess it starts at 7pm idk. I have to buy a ticket for that

Saturday 5/2- TEP's Masquerade Boat Party

Sunday 5/3- Free, but I'll probably be doing school work

Monday 5/4- Class all day 8-8...psychology paper due (it's done, so that's a relief)

Tuesday 5/5- I'll probably be at a movie screening doing my part for a speech group project...

Wednesday 5/6- Class all day 8-8...speech group projects, one page reports on project, and two speech response papers due....the response papers are done, thanks to my sudden feeling of productive ness this weekend....hopefully leaving early and going to see Raposo down at Crash Mansion

Thursday 5/7- Spanish homework in the day time....One Luv Unity Fest that evening from 7-1AM...party hardy

Friday 5/8- Spanish class 12-2pm....POSSIBLY going to the Erotic Poetry event at school, idk yet.

Saturday 5/9-Sunday 5/10- Free, probably doing school work

Monday 5/11- Class all day 8-8...leaving early to see Raposo at Blender Theater

Tuesday 5/12- Free, spanish homework

Wednesday 5/13- Class all day 8-8....7-10 page theatre paper due...last day of Speech, Theatre, and Psychology....woohoo...

Thursday 5/14- Free, spanish homework

Friday 5/15- Last Spanish class...woohoo...but aww I'll miss Prof. Retamoso, she's a good teacher. END OF SEMESTER....kind of

Saturday 5/16-Sunday 5/17- Free FINALLY...kind of I guess...preparing for finals

Monday 5/18- Spanish final at 10:30am and Psychology finale at 6pm END OF FRESHMAN YEAR!


Okay I'll end this here, ciao loves.

hehehe...

LMAO...everytime I see this thing it makes me laugh.

Here's some random stuffs from my old photobucket...

You're like an indian summer in the middle of winter...

My niece is driving me insane, she went to see Hannah Montana: The Movie when it came out and she keeps asking me if I want to see her do the Ho-Down, Throw Down...mind you she is 11 and like my height. It's a retarded dance...I'll stop there.

I believe this week I'm gonna go into the station so we can paint it (myself, Iolani, maybe Ebony if I can get a hold of her and I'm not sure who else.)

Blahhh blahhh I got a Twitter...stalk...er...follow me =) www.twitter.com/LivBrock
You can see my updates on the right hand side of this page above my "About Me" section.

Ugh my laptop is such a whore...there's a bunch of problems on it I don't even know what's wrong with it, but Christian is gonna let me borrow his portable hard drive so I can save my music, movies and pictures so I can restore this piece of shit. =) I really want a macbook, I told my mom that's what I want for my birthday so we'll see.

I'm not too sure what else to write about...my niece is standing in the corner of my room with her iPod on listening to Through The Fire and The Flames dancing, playing airguitar and singing loudly off key and saying "green red green red yellow yellow red red..." etc from the Guitar Hero game lol...she's a special case.

Here are some ear stuffs...I really like this Katy Perry song "Thinking of You" my favorite favorite favoriteee part is the second verse and chorus <3

"You're like an indian summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best
You said there's tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, ohhh
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
What would you do if you were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes..."




Here are the Jesse McCartney songs I was talking about in my previous post off his rereleased album Departure: Recharged. Good stuff <3 I feel like during Oxygen and In My Veins, I should be giving someone a lapdance. =p

Body Language


Oxygen


In My Veins


Crash & Burn

FML makes me LOL

"Today I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML


Hahaha, that's horrible...that'd probably be something that happens to me, because unfortunately I suck at math.

Let's see...the financial aid office at my school is extremely retarded...everytime you speak to someone there they always have an attitude, I don't understand why...they make lives difficult...anyway yeah the check that I never got the first time was reissued and they didn't think it was necessary to tell me that when the check is reissued it gets sent to the bursar's office. So I've been constantly checking the mail like an asshole waiting for it...when it's been at school for I don't know how long...stupidos.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna use it for my tattoo or an outfot for the masquerade party in May.

What else is going on...AMC theatres are extremely gay. I was called back aftering applying and yeah sounded like I was going to get hired but since I have tattoos from the elbow down, it's a no no...and apparently it's against their policy to cover the tattoos with make up....I'd like to know WHY....that's fucking stupid...they're covered, you can't see them, problem solved...how are you gonna tell me what I can and can't do with make up that I bought to put on MY skin...asses.

Uhm, I believe we're painting the station this spring break...that should give me something to do, because glad as I am that there's no school, there's also nothing for me to do.

Uhmmm...I listened to Jesse McCartney's new songs from his recently rereleased album Departure: Recharged. The songs are alright, pretty good I guess. Some lyrics are kinda ehh whatever, but I give them a thumbs up. There's a track called "In My Veins" which makes him sound like a complete junkie, but it works considering the subject of the matter is talking about a person being like a drug to him.

Rascal Flatt's new album is also a thumbs up. Unstoppable, check it out. I'm currently listening to The Fray's second self-titled album, which I really like. The lead singer's voice is soothing. Check that out as well.

I don't know what else to write, I'm actually in the middle of painting my nails.
Again, I'm extremely random, I went from reading to being on the phone for about an hour to eating a cup noodle thinger then listening to 4 albums (Departure: Recharged, Unstoppable, The Fray) and then I'm listening to The Fray's first album "How To Save A Life" after this, because I've never actually heard it in its entirety. I'll probably pause something and continue reading. I never know exactly what to do with myself. I also have a game of solitaire and FML.com opened behind this window. =) Ciao

LOL @ Boy in red shirt

I was on PerezHilton.com today and he made a post about these kids dancing so I decided to give it a watch...LOLLLL at the little boy.



I'll update on what's going on with me sometime soon...tired for now. Ciao

It takes a while to learn to live in your own skin...

If you're in, you know I'm in. I'm ready and I'm willing. I aaaaaaaaammmmmmm....

Sorry...I'm listening to I Am by Bon Jovi right now.

Anyway, the other day I realized I haven't updated this thing in a while, so here goes.

It is currently 7:11AM and I am already in school at WCCR. (I have class at 8) I don't mind getting here an hour early, it gives me the chance to hopefully put something in my stomach and actually wake myself up. However, I got here a little extra early today. Usually my mom drops me off at the train station on her way to work and I get on the uptown A express anywhere between 6:20 and 6:40ish in the morning and I usually get to 145th ST around 7AM, then I get on the shuttle and get here between 7:05-7:15AM...anyway I don't know why I just typed that...I don't even think anyone reads this lol. If there are actually readers out there, comment and let me know. I appreciate it. Typically people don't listen to me, ever, so I guess this is just where I get out my ramblings and thoughts...

So last time I posted, I was very angry and hurt and sad, and now, I'm getting over it. I've decided that I'm not gonna let it bother me so much anymore, actually no, I think it's been done over so many times that the healing process is getting shorter and shorter to the point where I'm kinda numb about it. I don't really know how I feel anymore...I mean there are some obvious feelings, but I'm just tired of thinking about it, thinking about the future, thinking whatifs and stuff like that. Whatever, it's best to not even think of it, I don't have any control over the actions of others so it's all up to them.

OT: Let's Get Loud by Jennifer Lopez just came on in my playlist on the Mac and it made me laugh, I don't know why. I think I'm still tired.

Speaking of which, I could NOT get to sleep on my own last night at all! It was so frustrating. First, I was freezing then when I got kind of warm, I just kept tossing and turning. My mom had to give me some tylenol pill with codine in it, which, I'm actually going to look up wtf codine is, I know eventually, not sure what point ,taht I actually fell asleep. Long story short, I didn't get much sleep last night and that's no bueno for Liv. Sleep is definitely essential to the plan.

I've realized, and this isn't a new revelation, but, I'm extremely random. I don't think any of my posts or thoughts have any type of structure, nothing seems to get with what came before it, lol. I think I like it that way though, not knowing exactly what is next, the element of surprise is kind of exciting...depending on the circumstances however.

For me, there are (including today) three more school days left until spring break. This break is definitely over due. I'll probably end up sleeping as much as possible, well, no, I don't know...we'll see. I think I have some kind of sleep problem though, recently it's been hard for me to get to sleep. Hopefully I can get into the sleep and dream disorder class at some point my college career.

Again, speaking of which...it's really frustrating to know that come this August, I could've been a Junior...leaving me with only two years to go, had I not taken the year off after graduating from high school...sigh, oh well. Each year I'll complain that I should be in the next year...lol But whatever, if I had started when originally planned I probably wouldn't know half the people I know now, so for that it's all good.

I really really really wanna travel...like really. I've never been out of this country and I think that is necessary in someone's life. America is kinda cool, but too much of something is usually not good. Actually, first I wanna visit California, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Then, Hawaii, then move down to the Caribbean, visit some islands down there and go to Puerto Rico and maybe the Dominican Republic. I don't know if I have any reason to go to DR, but I figured sure why not? The resort area should be nice. I think before I go to Hawaii and the Caribbean I want to go to Europe, not sure why, I've just always wanted to go to Europe, but before I go to Europe, I definitely wanna visit California first, not sure why of that either. Within Europe I want to visit, England, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, Ireland and the Netherlands. Yeah, I know I don't speak 5 out of 7 of those places, but I still want to visit. =)  Hmm, I want to visit Japan, definitely, and Singapore. I still haven't decided if I want to visit China or not...I definitely want to visit Australia, even though it's probably hot as fuck and a half there...but still. I haven't decided if I wanted to go to Africa yet...lol. Anyway, pretty much I wanna visit all over the world...maybe when I actually have a career and the money to start...I'll be old as shit but I guess those are the best times to really live...although you should live throughout life and make it worth something.

Okay, this post has gotten wayyyy too long, longer than I intended, because again, I ramble. I have Speech soon, thankfully I've got 3 down and 1 to go, along with a group presentation...but for the most part I'm almost done. I just have NO clue at all what to write about for my creative/commemorative speech due in a month. Alright, before I begin again, ciao.

Fuck iiiit

Fuck love and people and all the bullshit that comes along with both. I'm too good for this.
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ETA: I was very angry when I made this post.