No fumar, por favor.

So last night I had a dream, and I was legit smoking a cigarette. It was disgusting and this is the only thing I can remember the dream consisting of. There was no beginning middle or end, it was just me smoking and in the dream even though it tasted horribe, I kept smoking it until it was done. So strange. I never understand any of my dreams. But yeah, don't smoke, it's disgusting and it stinks.

Anyway, last night Tau Epsiolon Phi had a party and it was so fun. I danced my ass off all night, so fun. I managed to dance through two songs straight, which I usually never do and my lower back was killing me haha, but it was good times. =)

Love is...

I was actually going to write an entire blog on love, and how it feels to be in love and how it feels to have someone love you back. Then I realized that I couldn't find the exact words, or the right words that could possibly begin to explain what it's like. I can't explain what it feels like to have someone say the words "I love you." to you and mean them. I guess, just specifically today for me, it felt like my heart stopped and then was immediately restarted. Cheesy? Maybe, but that's what it felt like happened. Sigh, I'm not sure what else to say. It's an interesting feeling, to love and to be loved. In all it's craziness, it's amazing, especially when it's with the person you can't see yourself without, in any form.

To you- Though you don't know this blog is here, because I haven't told you that it is. I love you an immense amount, you should know to never doubt that. Thank you for loving me too.

Go back to Minnesota!

So last night I took my niece and nephew to the movies to see Friday The 13th. I wish I could say I fully enjoyed this movie, but I didn't. Not because it was a bad movie, but because it was interrupted. This man sitting with his girlfriend behind us, did not stop talking from beginning to end. Like, full blown conversational talking. It wasn't even whispering, just talking, from the previews to the end of the movie. I was so irritated so I kept telling him to shut up and making comments like "I THOUGHT we were in a movie theatre" and "This douche bag never shuts up. I would hate to have a conversation with him." Soon after other people started telling him to shut up and he just went off, especially on this couple behind him. First the man told him to shut the hell up and he went off on him telling HIM to shut the fuck up and saying "fuck you" and what not. He called him a bitch ass, told him to go and make him shut up. The man throew a bag of popcorn at the couple. The man who had told him to shut up was just like "What is fuck is your problem? You have issues." And the man stands up and is pretty much trying to antagonize the guy to start being violent and stuff and kept throwing stuff at them. I mean, seriously this guy was the epitome of an annoying black person at the movies. Completely obnoxious, rude, and unbelievable. After the guy talking stood up and threw popcorn at the couple it didn't get any better. He continued to talk throughout the movie and was now louder. He started making comments while Jason was murdering people in the movie, of how he was going to do the same to the guy sitting behind him when the movie was over. "I'm going to slice and dice these mother fuckers and make them look like chicken tenders." At this time the woman of the couple started telling him to shut up. He was even worse with her, calling her every name he could thing of. He went on a rant and I swear he didn't breathe. People all around, although irritated, couldn't help but laugh. My niece and nephew were on both sides of me shaking with laughter and they couldn't contain it. Especially when the black guy screams "Suck my dick bitch, long and wet." Sooooo uncalled for, yet hilarious. He then talked about how the woman had more balls than the "Bitch ass" she was sitting next to. Then continued to argue and he was like "Suck my balls bitch. Put some hair on the bigger ones you have than that bitch ass you're sitting next to." I chuckled a few times while he was raving, because I couldn't believe how rude and obscene someone could be during a movie. I was amazed that, considering the price of movie tickets these days, someone would pay this money for a movie and just talk all the way through from beginning to end and cause trouble with the people around him. He and the woman continued to bicker and he said something stupid and she goes "What does that even mean?" and he says "It means what the fuck I meant it to mean. Simple bitch, go back to Minnesota." It was at this time I noticed the guy in front of us had yet to laugh throughout the whole encounter and when he started to laugh I couldn't hold it in. This simple comment had me dying of laughter, that and the fact that neither my niece or nephew could hold their laughter in, my nephew was slumped down in his seat so close to the floor pretty much crying with laughter. My niece, being 11 years old kept turning around and I had to keep making her face forward and covering her mouth because I didn't want this guy to start saying anything to her. Someone in the theater finally got up and went to get security. They came and asked him to step outside and of course he started to lie and say he wasn't doing anything or threatening anyone, but he stepped outside. I don't know what story he told security outside, but they let him back in. After he came back, HE STILL CONTINUED TO TALK. It was so ridiculous! What was even more unbelievable was that at the end of this movie the guy had the nerve to say the movie was retarded. I don't understand how he could make such an opinion when he wouldn't shut the hell up through the whole thing. When the movie was over and everyone started to exit the theatre, I noticed that the security was waiting outside, I guess to see if the guy would make good on his threats. We didn't stay to find out, it was such an irritating trip to the movies, but definitely not dull.

Seas would rise when I gave the word...

So the title has nothing to do with anything that will be in this post, but I'm listening to Viva La Vida by Coldplay right now, so yeah.

[ rant ]

I've come to realize that, I'm not the typical lovey, mushy relationship type of person. Like, I am capable of being in a romantic relationship, but I can't be that person to constantly use pet names, be all over each other all the time, lovey dovey omg baby this baby that...type of person. That just isn't me. Of course, I can be loving and caring, but I'm not THAT girl. It doesn't seem necessary to me. I'm not a two year old, don't talk to me in a baby voice, it makes me feel stupid. If you MUST call me a name such as 'baby' or anything along those lines, do not say it as if you're talking to an actual infant. I'm not trying to sound cold or anything, it just makes me feel uncomfortable and I find it rather sickening.

This guy I met the other day, it's really strange. Within the first 20 minutes of meeting me, you're asking me if I would want to be your girlfriend, okay...um...WHAT? And the day after you have me speak to your mother...and you're 23 years of age...then you're asking me if you can kiss me...and still asking if I'd consider being your girlfriend. First of all, NO you cannot kiss me, I do not know you like that, I've known you for barely 24 hours, I don't know anything about you and I'm not comfortable with you...AND you know nothing about me...my physical appearance apparently is what you like. For all he knows I can be some crazy psychopathic chick who will stalk him. Like, for serious bro? In accordance to the first paragraph...he is JUST that...the whole pet name calling, touchy feely, clingy person...at least this is what he's shown me so far. We were supposed to hang out last Thursday and I called him Wednesday night after I was assigned a paper and I told him I wouldn't be able to hang out because I had work to do, which wasn't a lie and he was rushing me off the phone and telling me he'd call me back so I left it at that. He didn't call me back that night and I can honestly say I was relieved.

So I get back from White Plains on Saturday and he calls, at first I thought about not answering, but I figured that's rude so I answered. His tone was completely different this call and I was like "Hm okay maybe he's not that bad." He pretty much tells me I'm too busy for him, I have too many excuses, I have to make time for him, he doesn't know if I like him...blah blah. Right okay...I apologize if I have some type of life, college is my top priority at the moment...sorry if I have homework and can't tend to your lust. I don't have to do anything, because...I DO NOT KNOW YOU....in the sense that...I just met you, what makes you so sure you are entitled to anything from me? You knew from the start that I was in school the majority of the week for an extensive amount of time each day....and NO I don't like you. What the hell is this like...seriously? Okay you show interest in me without really knowing me, so that means I should like you back just like that? Not at all kid. Yes, I call him a kid. Then what made me laugh a lot, he says "You know, a lot of people like me. I'm not trying to make you jealous or anything but there are a lot of people interested in me, but I'm interested in you right now." HAHA okay reverse psychology? Really? Did I NOT tell you I'm a Psychology major? Doesn't work on me kiddo. I'm supposed to jump all over that? Like seriously, that doesn't make me the slightest bit jealous, because there are no feelings there. If other people are interested in you, that's WONDERFUL...you're not gonna trick me into rushing things because there are other girls out there, if that's even true. And he's "interested" in me "right now" Okay well right now will pass, then it'll be "then" and he'll be interested in something else. Come on kid, I'm not one of these stupid chicken heads, I have a brain and I see through retarded games.

Now, my dilemma...being the nice person that I am, even though he's already irritated me. He got really excited because I said I had Tuesday off so he's like "So you'll meet me somewhere and we'll hang out?!" and I'm like "Sure..." now...I don't know what to do with this kid...I'm not gonna sit there and let him stare in my face and ask me stupid questions. So I figured I'd ask if he wanted to go to the movies or something? I don't know, the only decent movie that's out seems to be Taken, it sounds pretty interesting so hopefully he'll be up for that because I honestly don't know what to do. And because I am actually a nice person, I don't know how to let him down gently. My heart is in an entirely different place and with an entirely different person. Someone who like me, isn't too keen on the whole mushy gushy stuff, but can still be in a relationship. I didn't know I was in this for some weird right off the bat long term relationship, I guess people don't wait to actually become some one's friend first...and I don't like to hurt people's feelings so I don't know how to tell him that I don't like him, I don't want to be in a relationship with him and he comes on way too strong and he should fix that for future experiences. I feel like something like that would make him sad or cry or something. I don't know! Ack, he's already irrational and unpredictable...so like...can you just imagine if there was a relationship and I broke it off...I don't even wanna think about that.

[ / rant ]



ANYWAY...haha so aside from that drama, this has nothing to do with the story above...you know how you have stupid little crushes and what not? Well I definitely have one on my friend from school haha it's kinda funny idk, I don't usually crush, ever. I don't even know if this is just a crush or if I like him, but whatever. I think it's so interesting how your body and mind react to certain people. I'm obviously not good at hiding this fact, because people seem to notice in my gestures, body movements, and facial expressions when he comes around. Usually I don't feel nervous at all around him and I still don't. Today, however when he came into the station my heart was racing, I couldn't understand it lol. It was just like like whoaaaaaa haha. Usually I just smile a lot, especially when we hug. I'm surprised he didn't feel my heart beating so fast when we hugged today. That was new...anyway, I digress.


I'm sleepy, this was a long post, but that's good because I usually suck at keeping up these blog/journal things. So there's something recent in here. I guess tomorrow we'll see what happens with this overly affectionate kid in which was the subject of my rant. I'll laugh if he doesn't even call, but I feel like he won't forget lol. I don't knowwww though so I'll definitely be updating about that, and if we do hang out tomorrow, those details will surely be in here. I should start on some homework, or some research for the million and one presentations I have coming up this semester, but...sleep sounds much better right now. Ciao.

Ear stuffs. =)

Your eyes are the size of the moon...

Some more weird dreams:
1. A few nights ago I had some strange dream that I was now out on my own...and my old employers (whom I don't care too much for) were supporting me in college, like they made sure I had a dorm and all dorm needs and school needs...I don't even know what school this was, but it was strange. Even in the dream it was strange and I felt weird having them give me all these things when I'm sure in reality they don't like me either lol.

2. I don't know what club, organization, team, cult (lol) I had just joined but the rules were that I had to give up my Blackberry and take whatever phone that they provided from Verizon. When they handed me this phone I instantly hated it because it had a standard keypad and I can't stand those types of phones. Full QWERTY keyboards are my thing. However, the phone was cute, it was black white and hot pink and I thought that was cool so I was like "Fine, I'll deal with it for the time being." So next I know I'm in one of the locker rooms of my high school gym, because whatever I had just joined was ran by my high school gym teacher. I don't know if we were like secret agents or what LOL but all of the things we had to connect us to our regular selves we had to get rid of. So we're getting ready to leave for some event that we MUST attend and I dropped my phone and I was like "Shit...I just got it and I hate it so much that I'm already unconciously trying to destroy it." So we're all being rushed and I pick up my phone really quickly and I swear I felt it move in some kind of way when I grabbed it so I'm looking at it and there's like a line down the side of it so I flip it and there's a full QWERTY keyboard when it flips up and I got really excited so I was like "YAY! Now I like this phone." But THEN I started worrying, because I had a completely new number that I didn't even know and we were only able to give our new numbers to a select few and no one would tell me my new number and I was complaining because I couldn't text my friends and my mother, sister, niece and nephew to tell them the number. So we had to go to some event and apparently Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown were there and they pass me and I didn't give a shit about Whitney but apparently I was a huge Bobby Brown fan (NOT AT ALL) and I was like "OMG Bobby, can we take a piture on my new phone?!" So he's like "Sure." (In the dream he wasn't all cracked out) and we're trying to take pictures of ourselves on the phone and then some random guy grabs the phone and is like "LET ME DO IT!" and he was definitely not doing it right and I was getting upset and then I woke up.... wtf @ Bobby Brown.

3. I just had this about a half hour ago and I woke up like...wtf. I was in California I believe with Ebony and Fallon and we were coming out of some huge store with shopping bags (well Ebony and I had shopping bags, Fallon was looking at us like we were strange) and in the bags are newborns...like just born, small and everything. Apparently it wasn't strange or illegal at all that we just BOUGHT these newborns. I'm not sure what Ebony had in her bag but in mine were two small light skinned baby boys. However, at first I only saw one baby, because the other one was lying under him lol...I named the first one Jacob and he had on a little royal blue hat and then he moved and I saw the other one under him so I fixed their positions so that they were both able to move at their own will and one wasn't ontop of the other and I named the second boy Zachary and he had on a lime green hat lol. They were adorable...I'll just say that...and then they opened their eyes, so cute. They both had pretty light brown eyes. After that I was being all motherly, cooing and kissing their faces and then they both would make kissy faces and smile and they both had FULL FUCKING SET OF TEETH....wtf?! Then I woke up to the sound of my laptop making the IM sound over and over so I got up and go figure it was Fallon and I told her the dream. =]

I'll have to start updating this thing more or something, idk I gues my life isn't that exciting lol. Ciao.

Here's some ear candy: It's been stuck in my head since someone was singing it at the station yesterday and though I barely know the words the melody is stuck in there.

Who'll save your heart this time?

I'm so over this school thing. I don't mind actually being in school and being at the station, but I'm so over going to class and doing the work. Maybe it's just because I don't like the classes I'm taking this semester or what but ugh so irritating. Speaking of the station, I'm the new Program Director, so that's pretty cool. I'll have a lot of work to do but I guess it'll be worth it. I have to find some people who'll be interested in helping me since I can't be at the station every day.

Anyway back to ranting about school, I don't like the fact that I'm paying to be there, yet they're telling me what I have to take in order to graduate...it's like high school all over again. I don't mind them telling me what I have to take for my specific major, but don't tell me I have to take two full years of a foreign language just to get out of there. Blah...obviously I'm just gonna bare it but it's frustrating. I think it's just another way for people to control your life...idk...


Umm besides school, nothing much is up...haha so I def need some caffeine pills to stay up especially in Theatre and Psych, even if I get a good night's sleep, good breakfast and lunch, there's no way I can stay up in those classes, they're so boring and late. So I was on Target on Saturday and I'm in the pill section in the vitamins and supplements and stuff like that, you'd think that's where caffeine pills would be right? Yeah, no. I couldn't find them, so I go to the pharmacy and I ask a guy there where their caffeine pills were and he tells me aisle A4 so I go there and it's just pain relievers so I'm like how about not? So I go back to the vitamins and stuff and he's like "you're in the wrong aisle" and I'm like "No, you obviously don't know where you work." thus I still haven't gotten any caffeine pills and they are necessary to the agenda.


Oh, oh, oh and these weird dreams are getting a little out of hand lol. Last night I had two weird ones...I don't remember much in detail but the first one pretty much I was at some award show, and my nephew, my sister and I steal Snoop Dogg's car, which is like some old school kind of car, but it was nice and I'm the one driving and his whole entourage gets in their cars and they're like chasing me and trying to block me from the exit of the lot and all you hear is Snoop Dogg yelling "No mother fucker steals my shit!" and some how I make it out passed the gangstas, but they don't proceed to follow me out of the lot. So I drive to some huge house which is apparently mine. I have no clue where I was or why I had a house that big...anyway we're all hiding out in this house and going about our day like normal, my nephew was in the kitchen getting something to eat and I realized that we were actually driving a boat and that I had to park it in my swimming pool...and someone had to keep guard of the swimming pool so Snoop's gangstas don't come and take it back...so weird...

And the second...I was in some office and I was told I was pregnant (yeah idk wtf is up with all of these pregnancy dreams) and apparently the father of the baby was this kid I go to school with (not going to mention his name, but ughh so hot <3) and so they tell me it's a boy and the father is insisting that I name it after him and I'm like "No, I don't like your name much, sorry." so I decide on a different name. However, I had a really strong feeling that it was a girl even though the doctors were assuring me it wasn't...but one odd doctor who was creepily nice was like "Don't worry we'll take some tests and we'll all know for sure then." it was strange, but that was pretty much it...seriously...what the hell? lol I need to go to a dream analyst or something.

I don't know what else to write here, I'm tired...I have to be up at 4:45 tomorrow morning in order to be at school by like 7:30 to be in class by 8...and I need to shower. Ciao.