Yes, I'm complaining about the way you type...

Stop Typing Like a Douche

by Liv Brock

***This has been done time and time again, but I feel the need to rant about it. Maybe in hopes that if you hear it, read it and see it over and over again it'll seep in. I will admit that I'm somewhat harsh, but it's all very simple and hard to believe that people don't have the ability to type properly, all by stupid choice. I don't care if you agree or not but this irritates me and this is my blog, so you're going to have to deal.

Why, why oh why people of the internet? Why must you type like you have no type of formal education? I get the whole internet abbreviations and internet lingo (lol, brb, bbl, etc.) That is not what I'm referring to. I'm referring to the people who cut down words and replace letters with numbers or punctuation. I'm referring to the people who add unecessary letters in words. (I'm not talking about at the end like thissssss) I'm talking about this: ii'm so tiired) Sadly, I've seen it, and not just by the young and naive, but from people who should know better. It doesn't make you seem adorable, you just look like you're making the same stupid typo over and over. Also, leaving a letter out of a word is just lazy. That is not abbreviating and it is not cute.

There is absolutely no reason for you to leave out letters in words. Abbreviating phrases is acceptable. The word "the" is a THREE letter word. Why do people cut it down to "da" and "tha"? Try saying a sentence using "da" instead of properly pronouncing the word. You'll sound stupid. And "tha"? Really? You can type "thA" but not "thE"? What malfunction occurred? The same goes for the words: what (wut, wat) and when (wen).

Others and their retarded variations:

Girl- Grl (What is wrong with using ONE more letter?), Gurl (Really? What do you have against the letter i?), Giirl (Just one i is needed, thanks), Girlz/Grlz/Gurlz (Just no)

Boy- Boi (What's wrong with the letter y?) Boyz/Boiz (Again, just no)

Like- Lyke (Again with the i), Lyk (Need I say more?)

If you use these or omit unecessary letters, someone should hit you, hard.

How do you function is school? Do you honestly do assignments typing like that? Oh yeah, blah blah the internet isn't school. I know, but sadly it's been done where people have dumbed down their typing online that it's reflected in their actual work. In school I've done peer reviews and I've seen papers with "u" and "y" and dare I say it: "lol" REALLY? u and y are not words, nor is the acronym lol, an acceptable word.

Now, see if you can pay attention: Basic Grammar

There: Mostly used for destination. Opposite of here. ex. I'm going over there. I like that dress over there. Etcetera.

They're: Short for they are. ex. They're going to be excited. They're going to love this gift. Etcetera.

Their: A form of possession. ex. That is their dog. This is their home. Etcetera.

You're: Short for you are. ex. You're 20 minutes late. You're going to get in trouble.

Your: A possessive form of you. ex. Is that your jacket? I'm shopping for your birthday gift.

It's: Short for it is or it has. ex. It's hot in here. It's 3 in the morning. It's been 2 hours since we left. Etcetera.

Its: The possessive form of it. ex. The dog is chasing its tail. The book has lots its cover. Etcetera.

Pretty simple, right? Well apparently online, they're all the same. So many people misuse those words and it's extremely irritating to me. It's really amusing and sad at the same time when I see celebrities twittering and misusing those words. Then again, they're people too right? Sadly.

*In the english language capital letters, when used properly go within titles, at the beginning of a sentence and names and are used for acronyms.

Your Sentence Should Not Look Like This.

THIS IS KIND OF ANNOYING TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO NEED FOR AN ENTIRE SENTENCE OR MULTIPLE SENTENCES TO BE IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

Unless, you know, you want to showcase your extreme anger online.

An acronym, for the people who don't know, is a word formed from the initial letters of a set phrase or series of words.

Ex:

ASPCA- The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

PETA- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

USA- United States of America

Then there are the ones commonly used online, which are acceptable.

BRB

TTYL

LOL

BTW

Etcetera. I know I don't have to elaborate on those.

WoUlD yOu WaNt To rEAD aN eNtiRe pAsSaGe oF wRiTiNg TyPeD oUt LiKe ThIs?

Pr3Tty Pr1nCeS$

B@biI33 GuRrL

$3Xy kItTy

Oh mAi gAwd!!!1!!1!

I rest my case. That hurt my fingers just typing the above examples. It's also sort of a mind fuck for my eyes. My point is, it isn't hard to type like you're not stupid. One extra key to hit to complete a short word won't kill you. A lot more people will respect you if you type properly. Who enjoys looking like a jackass? Save yourself the trouble and headaches. =]

Nineteen Minutes

Before I get started, I already know people will disagree with some things I say and I fully accept that, this is just what's on my mind.

I read a book titled Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. I'm not going to give the story away for anyone who may want to check it out nor will I give away the name of the shooter, but the main thing is, it's a fictional story about a high school shooting in New Hampshire, pretty much instigated by years of bullying and teasing. I will give away that the shooter doesn't get to kill himself in the process as we've known many real life school shooters to do, but instead is taken into custody by the local detective. The book is pretty much what led to the shooting and the trial thereafter.

Whilst reading, I found myself sympathizing more with the shooter than with the shooting victims. Mostly because the shooter is a victim himself. Sure, people get bullied and teased, unfortunately it's a part of society and I guess a part of human nature. However, the people doing the teasing and bullying don't see the real long-term damage they're doing to people. I've been teased mostly in elementary and middle school and it hurt, but I'm grateful that it wasn't a constant bother or to the extent of pushing me over the edge as it often does to others.

Some people don't realize that just because a person doesn't physically show that they're being hurt by what negative things people say or do to them, that it actually does hurt and affect them inside. Of course most people choose to hide their feelings in fear that showing any signs of vulnerability will further brand them as a target, and sadly they're right. I know that going into a school or any place opening fire and aiming to injure and kill is wrong, and people may think I'm wrong for saying this, but throughout the book I found myself wanting the jury to find the shooter not guilty. I wanted them to set him free, because I saw him as already being a prisoner. He was locked up in his own personal hell. Not being able to go to school which is supposed to be a safe haven, without being pushed around, humiliated and belittled, having his personal feelings exploited to embarrass him for the enjoyment of others. Having no one at all to turn to, because the people whom he should be able to ask for help, don't.

What happens when you're not strong enough to count on yourself anymore? What happens when other people have the ability to completely destroy you inside after years of constantly striking your core, causing slow, painful and permanent damage? What is left to do when all your resources have run dry? They say be mindful of the way you live your life because of karma. What goes around comes around. But what happens when what comes back around is worse than what went around in the first place? Obviously it isn't in your best interest to purposely harm others and yourself, but is revenge acceptable as a last resort?

In this book and in some actual cases of school shootings, people tend to feel bad and take the sides of the people who were harmed during these rampages, but they don't stop to think about the fact that their "victims" are too the criminals. Sometimes innocent people who are irrelevant in the premeditated plan are caught in the middle and that is unfortunate. However, shouldn't the blame be first put onto the initial aggressors? For what reasons do these people deem it necessary to make someone else's life a living hell? Insecurities? Their own problems that they can't seem to find answers for, so while they're miserable, the only sensible thing to do is make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse? They're completely forgetting the fact that no matter how much you torture another person, your problems don't disappear. They just don't seem as bad. Also, they fail to see that they're causing havoc on someone else who is fully capable of causing the same amount of trouble, or worse. So while you're grieving and sympathizing with physical victims, asking yourself why? Look to your precious victims for some insight. Newton's third law of motion, "to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." When the aggressor's plan is set into motion, that triggers that of their victim, which can and should make others think twice about the way they treat others.

It's just sad that something tragic has to happen before people develop common sense. I don't know if this all makes 100% sense, and I definitely didn't get all of what I wanted to say into this entry, but basically this is it. I was going to get into how it's ridiculous when people start to blame music for such disasters but I could go on and on, because music is that important to me, so we'll save that for another entry, another time. Bottom line, watch the things you do and say to people, no matter how little they may seem to you. It could turn into the biggest regret you never thought you'd have. Maybe Confucius had it right, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Brief update...

It's been a while since I've posted anything and frankly, it's just because I don't really have much to say. Well, I actually have a lot to say, but mostly it stays in my head and passes too quickly to actually write down. This entry and the next had to physically be written out in a notebook before it was on here, just because I'd get distracted if I were to type it out first. I have to do the same thing with my school papers or they'd take longer than they already do to get done.

Speaking of school, I'm so ready for this semester to start, not because I enjoy doing classwork, homework and papers, because I don't at all, but because it gives me something to do and somewhere to go so I don't have to stay in my house all day since there is nothing else to do.This semester I'll be there five days a week and while I'm sure it'll be tiring and annoying after a while, I'll probably start to appreciate the time I get to be home. I actually like being on my campus though.

Anyway, enough about school, if anything is worth writing about when I get there I'll be sure to post it. Although I'm sure no one even reads this. I should just keep a private journal, but I tend to stop writing in those as well. Oh yeah, P.S. on the school thing, books this semester are ridiculous. There's just no reason 5 books right now should come up to about $350. Not to mention, there's probably another book I have to buy which I'm waiting for the professors to post, if they decide to. I'll be extremely grateful if they don't require one for this semester, but I highly doubt it.

Darlene will be here for a week from August 18th to the 25th, which should be awesome. She's been in Maine for like two years or something and last time I saw her was a few months ago in Boston. Which was pretty cool, despite some issues caused by an outside party. However, I'm looking forward to her visit. I know she'll have me running all around this city, but it'll be something to do for the week before classes start.

Hmm, I think I have enough school supplies (i.e notebooks, pens, paper) that's pretty much all you need for college, besides the required shit your professors want you to get. I definitely need to go shopping for clothes. I'm gonna need them since I'll be on campus more instead of the three days a week I was able to pull off for the passed two semesters.

Okay, so the real reason I wanted to write today was because I read this book that I really enjoyed and felt obliged to respond to, so that'll be in the post above this one, ciao.

Oh blog, I send my apologies.

I haven't written in a long time and I don't have much to write now, but I will say that people, especially people of the female persuasion, irritate my life.

My birthday is in 12 days, I'll be 20...I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

Hm for whatever reason I went to check my grades for the passed semester and I noticed that my psych of child development grade was changed, and now it's higher. It's now a B+ as opposed to that C+ that used to be there. Bringing my GPA for the spring 09 semester up from a 3.4## to a 3.676. My GPA for the fall 09 was 3.675 and my cumulative GPA is 3.676. Good stuff =)

I'm out, ciao.

P.S. I think I need to compile a list of "Things you have to know about Liv" should people want to keep our acquaintance functioning properly. People do and say a lot of irritating things. That will be in the works soon.

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My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize...

Updating from my blackberry even though my laptop is right over my head. I'm much more comfortable where I am.

I am currently re-reading New Moon for the third time because I clearly have no life. I just saw the New Moon trailer last night and I must say that Taylor Lautner looks quite banging. I just wish he were older so I didn't feel like a perv. It's like a bunch of girls saying Nick Jonas is sexy, that is weird. Although the kid is pretty good looking...alright I'm done with the children.

Let's see, school is officially dunzo for this semester. I've gotten 3/4 of my final grades and so far I'm content. I got an A in speech, B+ in intro to theatre arts which surprised me, because I barely paid any attention at all in that class. The biggest shocker was a C+ in infancy and childhood. I'm not proud of the C+, but I am at the same time because I definitely thought I'd get lower than that. It was ridiculous trying to learn anything in that class when all the professor did was read information off power point slides too fast for us to copy down any notes. It irritated me and I ended up giving up on trying to listen to her. But I take my C+ and I'll wear it proudly on my transcript lol. Right now I'm just waiting for spanish which I'm not worried about, it should be a good grade. =) Possibly and hopefully in the A-B range.

iiiiiiiiiiiii want a Mac book =) I don't know why I chose to make that sing songy but I did. And I still want a mac book. I like my dell for the most part but it has its issues that I could do without and my point is that I want a mac book. The end.

Hmm, as for the title of the blog, I've been dealing with some internal clashes. I'm experiencing something I never though would ever happen and it's got me a little thrown off. I'm slowly but surely dealing with it, but still trying to figure it out. I'm at a standstill right now. And speaking of which I wrote a little something, very little. I haven't written any poetry in a long time so this was my attempt at it. I tried to rhyme some stuff, but it's kind of prose-ish. I wrote it late last night, or really early this morning?

Stranger

The roaring buzz of my unspoken thoughts
Has become the background music in my head
A single thought craving for attention
But my conscience leaves it unfed
A feeling bangs on the doors of my mind
But I fear the stranger on the other side
I cower, hoping to leave this force behind
The energy leaves me breathless
Like I'm running away from one thing,
But towards another too
I run until I get to the cross road,
What should I do?
Do I choose the person I've always been,
Or transform into the person I think I've become?
My thoughts are rambling against my will
The fork in the road is waiting,
But for now I am at a standstill...
-Liv Brock
June 1, 2009

Okay, enjoy. My thumbs hurt now. Ciao darlings. xoxo

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It's been a while...

Tomorrow I'm offcially done with classes for this semester...spanish and psych finals on Monday...I'm okay with the spanish but the psych one worries me. I'm gonna have to get some hardcore studying in before Monday.

I'd just like to throw this out there, I now understand why some guys are huge assholes, and why those assholes are hoes. Not insulting, just throwing out some respect. 

That's all I'm gonna say about that situation.

I don't even know anymore, I'm out. 

I could stay lost in this moment forever...

Hello, hello it's been a while...kinda sorta, not really but hello anyway. I'm currently listening to "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith, which I've posted about before. =]

Uh let's see...I just got done with a shit load of work.
Finale speech, which is a creative one, I did it about my poetry...blah blah
Two speech response papers
Last psychology paper

Needless to say I'm tired and I think I wanna read, which I'll do after this post.

What's up with me...uhm I was put in charge of One Luv Unity Fest which is a party WCCR has every year since last year and I hope it works out because I only have a short time to get everything set up seeing as it's on the 7th of May.

The TEP Masquerade boat party is coming up on the 2nd of May and I'm excited for that, I haven't partied in a while...

Let's see what my schedule is so far...there's only about 3 weeks left of school.

Monday 4/27- Class all day 8-8 and I have to register at some point between that....which reminds me I need to see what else is open right now so I can have an idea of what I can and can't take next semester.

Tuesday 4/28- Free, but I'll probably be doing school work, spanish homework and I have to start on a 7-10 page paper for theatre...kill me.

Wednesday 4/29- Class all day 8-8...giving last speech

Thursday 4/30- Usually I'd be at home, but I'm working WCCR's music festival during club hours between 12 and 2 pm then I'll be staying all day preparing for WCCR's B-Boy/DJ Battle which is the same day that night from 7-11pm...I'll also be working that.

Friday 5/1- Spanish class from 12-2, Comedy of Error play for theatre class I guess it starts at 7pm idk. I have to buy a ticket for that

Saturday 5/2- TEP's Masquerade Boat Party

Sunday 5/3- Free, but I'll probably be doing school work

Monday 5/4- Class all day 8-8...psychology paper due (it's done, so that's a relief)

Tuesday 5/5- I'll probably be at a movie screening doing my part for a speech group project...

Wednesday 5/6- Class all day 8-8...speech group projects, one page reports on project, and two speech response papers due....the response papers are done, thanks to my sudden feeling of productive ness this weekend....hopefully leaving early and going to see Raposo down at Crash Mansion

Thursday 5/7- Spanish homework in the day time....One Luv Unity Fest that evening from 7-1AM...party hardy

Friday 5/8- Spanish class 12-2pm....POSSIBLY going to the Erotic Poetry event at school, idk yet.

Saturday 5/9-Sunday 5/10- Free, probably doing school work

Monday 5/11- Class all day 8-8...leaving early to see Raposo at Blender Theater

Tuesday 5/12- Free, spanish homework

Wednesday 5/13- Class all day 8-8....7-10 page theatre paper due...last day of Speech, Theatre, and Psychology....woohoo...

Thursday 5/14- Free, spanish homework

Friday 5/15- Last Spanish class...woohoo...but aww I'll miss Prof. Retamoso, she's a good teacher. END OF SEMESTER....kind of

Saturday 5/16-Sunday 5/17- Free FINALLY...kind of I guess...preparing for finals

Monday 5/18- Spanish final at 10:30am and Psychology finale at 6pm END OF FRESHMAN YEAR!


Okay I'll end this here, ciao loves.

hehehe...

LMAO...everytime I see this thing it makes me laugh.

Here's some random stuffs from my old photobucket...

You're like an indian summer in the middle of winter...

My niece is driving me insane, she went to see Hannah Montana: The Movie when it came out and she keeps asking me if I want to see her do the Ho-Down, Throw Down...mind you she is 11 and like my height. It's a retarded dance...I'll stop there.

I believe this week I'm gonna go into the station so we can paint it (myself, Iolani, maybe Ebony if I can get a hold of her and I'm not sure who else.)

Blahhh blahhh I got a Twitter...stalk...er...follow me =) www.twitter.com/LivBrock
You can see my updates on the right hand side of this page above my "About Me" section.

Ugh my laptop is such a whore...there's a bunch of problems on it I don't even know what's wrong with it, but Christian is gonna let me borrow his portable hard drive so I can save my music, movies and pictures so I can restore this piece of shit. =) I really want a macbook, I told my mom that's what I want for my birthday so we'll see.

I'm not too sure what else to write about...my niece is standing in the corner of my room with her iPod on listening to Through The Fire and The Flames dancing, playing airguitar and singing loudly off key and saying "green red green red yellow yellow red red..." etc from the Guitar Hero game lol...she's a special case.

Here are some ear stuffs...I really like this Katy Perry song "Thinking of You" my favorite favorite favoriteee part is the second verse and chorus <3

"You're like an indian summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best
You said there's tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, ohhh
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
What would you do if you were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes..."




Here are the Jesse McCartney songs I was talking about in my previous post off his rereleased album Departure: Recharged. Good stuff <3 I feel like during Oxygen and In My Veins, I should be giving someone a lapdance. =p

Body Language


Oxygen


In My Veins


Crash & Burn

FML makes me LOL

"Today I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML


Hahaha, that's horrible...that'd probably be something that happens to me, because unfortunately I suck at math.

Let's see...the financial aid office at my school is extremely retarded...everytime you speak to someone there they always have an attitude, I don't understand why...they make lives difficult...anyway yeah the check that I never got the first time was reissued and they didn't think it was necessary to tell me that when the check is reissued it gets sent to the bursar's office. So I've been constantly checking the mail like an asshole waiting for it...when it's been at school for I don't know how long...stupidos.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna use it for my tattoo or an outfot for the masquerade party in May.

What else is going on...AMC theatres are extremely gay. I was called back aftering applying and yeah sounded like I was going to get hired but since I have tattoos from the elbow down, it's a no no...and apparently it's against their policy to cover the tattoos with make up....I'd like to know WHY....that's fucking stupid...they're covered, you can't see them, problem solved...how are you gonna tell me what I can and can't do with make up that I bought to put on MY skin...asses.

Uhm, I believe we're painting the station this spring break...that should give me something to do, because glad as I am that there's no school, there's also nothing for me to do.

Uhmmm...I listened to Jesse McCartney's new songs from his recently rereleased album Departure: Recharged. The songs are alright, pretty good I guess. Some lyrics are kinda ehh whatever, but I give them a thumbs up. There's a track called "In My Veins" which makes him sound like a complete junkie, but it works considering the subject of the matter is talking about a person being like a drug to him.

Rascal Flatt's new album is also a thumbs up. Unstoppable, check it out. I'm currently listening to The Fray's second self-titled album, which I really like. The lead singer's voice is soothing. Check that out as well.

I don't know what else to write, I'm actually in the middle of painting my nails.
Again, I'm extremely random, I went from reading to being on the phone for about an hour to eating a cup noodle thinger then listening to 4 albums (Departure: Recharged, Unstoppable, The Fray) and then I'm listening to The Fray's first album "How To Save A Life" after this, because I've never actually heard it in its entirety. I'll probably pause something and continue reading. I never know exactly what to do with myself. I also have a game of solitaire and FML.com opened behind this window. =) Ciao

LOL @ Boy in red shirt

I was on PerezHilton.com today and he made a post about these kids dancing so I decided to give it a watch...LOLLLL at the little boy.



I'll update on what's going on with me sometime soon...tired for now. Ciao

It takes a while to learn to live in your own skin...

If you're in, you know I'm in. I'm ready and I'm willing. I aaaaaaaaammmmmmm....

Sorry...I'm listening to I Am by Bon Jovi right now.

Anyway, the other day I realized I haven't updated this thing in a while, so here goes.

It is currently 7:11AM and I am already in school at WCCR. (I have class at 8) I don't mind getting here an hour early, it gives me the chance to hopefully put something in my stomach and actually wake myself up. However, I got here a little extra early today. Usually my mom drops me off at the train station on her way to work and I get on the uptown A express anywhere between 6:20 and 6:40ish in the morning and I usually get to 145th ST around 7AM, then I get on the shuttle and get here between 7:05-7:15AM...anyway I don't know why I just typed that...I don't even think anyone reads this lol. If there are actually readers out there, comment and let me know. I appreciate it. Typically people don't listen to me, ever, so I guess this is just where I get out my ramblings and thoughts...

So last time I posted, I was very angry and hurt and sad, and now, I'm getting over it. I've decided that I'm not gonna let it bother me so much anymore, actually no, I think it's been done over so many times that the healing process is getting shorter and shorter to the point where I'm kinda numb about it. I don't really know how I feel anymore...I mean there are some obvious feelings, but I'm just tired of thinking about it, thinking about the future, thinking whatifs and stuff like that. Whatever, it's best to not even think of it, I don't have any control over the actions of others so it's all up to them.

OT: Let's Get Loud by Jennifer Lopez just came on in my playlist on the Mac and it made me laugh, I don't know why. I think I'm still tired.

Speaking of which, I could NOT get to sleep on my own last night at all! It was so frustrating. First, I was freezing then when I got kind of warm, I just kept tossing and turning. My mom had to give me some tylenol pill with codine in it, which, I'm actually going to look up wtf codine is, I know eventually, not sure what point ,taht I actually fell asleep. Long story short, I didn't get much sleep last night and that's no bueno for Liv. Sleep is definitely essential to the plan.

I've realized, and this isn't a new revelation, but, I'm extremely random. I don't think any of my posts or thoughts have any type of structure, nothing seems to get with what came before it, lol. I think I like it that way though, not knowing exactly what is next, the element of surprise is kind of exciting...depending on the circumstances however.

For me, there are (including today) three more school days left until spring break. This break is definitely over due. I'll probably end up sleeping as much as possible, well, no, I don't know...we'll see. I think I have some kind of sleep problem though, recently it's been hard for me to get to sleep. Hopefully I can get into the sleep and dream disorder class at some point my college career.

Again, speaking of which...it's really frustrating to know that come this August, I could've been a Junior...leaving me with only two years to go, had I not taken the year off after graduating from high school...sigh, oh well. Each year I'll complain that I should be in the next year...lol But whatever, if I had started when originally planned I probably wouldn't know half the people I know now, so for that it's all good.

I really really really wanna travel...like really. I've never been out of this country and I think that is necessary in someone's life. America is kinda cool, but too much of something is usually not good. Actually, first I wanna visit California, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Then, Hawaii, then move down to the Caribbean, visit some islands down there and go to Puerto Rico and maybe the Dominican Republic. I don't know if I have any reason to go to DR, but I figured sure why not? The resort area should be nice. I think before I go to Hawaii and the Caribbean I want to go to Europe, not sure why, I've just always wanted to go to Europe, but before I go to Europe, I definitely wanna visit California first, not sure why of that either. Within Europe I want to visit, England, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, Ireland and the Netherlands. Yeah, I know I don't speak 5 out of 7 of those places, but I still want to visit. =)  Hmm, I want to visit Japan, definitely, and Singapore. I still haven't decided if I want to visit China or not...I definitely want to visit Australia, even though it's probably hot as fuck and a half there...but still. I haven't decided if I wanted to go to Africa yet...lol. Anyway, pretty much I wanna visit all over the world...maybe when I actually have a career and the money to start...I'll be old as shit but I guess those are the best times to really live...although you should live throughout life and make it worth something.

Okay, this post has gotten wayyyy too long, longer than I intended, because again, I ramble. I have Speech soon, thankfully I've got 3 down and 1 to go, along with a group presentation...but for the most part I'm almost done. I just have NO clue at all what to write about for my creative/commemorative speech due in a month. Alright, before I begin again, ciao.

Fuck iiiit

Fuck love and people and all the bullshit that comes along with both. I'm too good for this.
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ETA: I was very angry when I made this post.

We were on our way, until you faked your smile...

Eh, pretty bummed out this week... =/

I've come to the conclusion that I'm too lazy for college...I really am...mentally and physically. I wish unecessary classes weren't required...
This upcoming week I have to be there everyday...that is possibly the most irritating thing.
Monday - Class 8AM-8PM
Tuesday- WCCR Meeting 12PM-2PM
Wednesday- Class 8AM-8PM
Thursday- Play for Theatre class 7PM-??
Friday- Class 12PM-1:40PM & In The Heights on Broadway at 8PM...I would be pumped for that if I didn't have to write a 7-10 page paper on it for Theatre...I hate that class...
I'm pretty sure I'll be sleeping at every chance I get.

My godddaughter and Jaz weren't able to drive up from Georgia because her pass to leave wasn't approved, boooo to the Army.

Anyway...I have to be up at 5...I should probably stop eating skittles and go to sleep before all my teeth fall out. Ciao.


P.S. another FML that makes me laugh everytime is one that said something like:
"Today, lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and said "gobble, gobble."

HAHA...I would be so mad, but that's hilarious. I just laughed while typing it.

fmylife.com

hahaha this website makes me laugh, check out this post I just read.

"Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 studentsi nt hat class and I was the only one laughing. FML"

wow...there are some hilarious and messed up things on there, check it outttt.

fmylife.com :)

Throw your cameras in the air and wave them like you just don't care...

Sooooo, hello there. =)
I'm excited because my goddaughter Asiyah is coming to New York for a couple of months while Jazmin is off training tanks and what not in Georgia (she's in the army =/). But yay I haven't seen her in a while so that's something to look forward to, she should be here next weekend <3 Jaz sent me a picture of her today holding herself up standing in her play pen, yay. I accidently deleted my text inbox before saving the picture or else I would've posted it.
Here's a picture of us from when she was about 4 months or so...November I believe. Now she's going to be 8 months in 2 days or so. I can't wait to see her. I get to baby sit her a bunch =)

Uhh let's see, nothing much other than that is up with me. I'm still hating school...well the classes this semester suck majorly so hopefully the upcoming ones are better. I just learned that I can do a B.A and M.A combined degree in Psych so I'm gonna look into that cause I really rather not be in school for the rest of my life...or until I'm like 30, yuck.

I took Ebony to get her first tattoo on Friday, it came out really pretty. The entire thing was my idea, because she really didn't know what to get so I helped her out...seeing people get tattoos always makes me envious because I love it. I know, it sounds masochistic, but it's really not...I don't know I don't enjoy pain, but I enjoy getting tattoos and having them. So I decided to get two more. One on my right frontal shoulder and one on the side/back of my hip. I designed one a few hours ago based on my zodiac sign. I had planned to get that on my hip, but I'm indecisive now, because I kinda want it on my frontal shoulder...I think it's because I had planned to get the other one I have in mind on my shoulder but I can't come up with a definite design for it yet...we'll see...


[rant]
I dislike losing an hour of sleep during this daylight savings time.
[/rant]

Ciao.

Enjoy this musical ear stuff. Me gusta esta canción mucho. =) I'm working on my spanish.

No fumar, por favor.

So last night I had a dream, and I was legit smoking a cigarette. It was disgusting and this is the only thing I can remember the dream consisting of. There was no beginning middle or end, it was just me smoking and in the dream even though it tasted horribe, I kept smoking it until it was done. So strange. I never understand any of my dreams. But yeah, don't smoke, it's disgusting and it stinks.

Anyway, last night Tau Epsiolon Phi had a party and it was so fun. I danced my ass off all night, so fun. I managed to dance through two songs straight, which I usually never do and my lower back was killing me haha, but it was good times. =)

Love is...

I was actually going to write an entire blog on love, and how it feels to be in love and how it feels to have someone love you back. Then I realized that I couldn't find the exact words, or the right words that could possibly begin to explain what it's like. I can't explain what it feels like to have someone say the words "I love you." to you and mean them. I guess, just specifically today for me, it felt like my heart stopped and then was immediately restarted. Cheesy? Maybe, but that's what it felt like happened. Sigh, I'm not sure what else to say. It's an interesting feeling, to love and to be loved. In all it's craziness, it's amazing, especially when it's with the person you can't see yourself without, in any form.

To you- Though you don't know this blog is here, because I haven't told you that it is. I love you an immense amount, you should know to never doubt that. Thank you for loving me too.

Go back to Minnesota!

So last night I took my niece and nephew to the movies to see Friday The 13th. I wish I could say I fully enjoyed this movie, but I didn't. Not because it was a bad movie, but because it was interrupted. This man sitting with his girlfriend behind us, did not stop talking from beginning to end. Like, full blown conversational talking. It wasn't even whispering, just talking, from the previews to the end of the movie. I was so irritated so I kept telling him to shut up and making comments like "I THOUGHT we were in a movie theatre" and "This douche bag never shuts up. I would hate to have a conversation with him." Soon after other people started telling him to shut up and he just went off, especially on this couple behind him. First the man told him to shut the hell up and he went off on him telling HIM to shut the fuck up and saying "fuck you" and what not. He called him a bitch ass, told him to go and make him shut up. The man throew a bag of popcorn at the couple. The man who had told him to shut up was just like "What is fuck is your problem? You have issues." And the man stands up and is pretty much trying to antagonize the guy to start being violent and stuff and kept throwing stuff at them. I mean, seriously this guy was the epitome of an annoying black person at the movies. Completely obnoxious, rude, and unbelievable. After the guy talking stood up and threw popcorn at the couple it didn't get any better. He continued to talk throughout the movie and was now louder. He started making comments while Jason was murdering people in the movie, of how he was going to do the same to the guy sitting behind him when the movie was over. "I'm going to slice and dice these mother fuckers and make them look like chicken tenders." At this time the woman of the couple started telling him to shut up. He was even worse with her, calling her every name he could thing of. He went on a rant and I swear he didn't breathe. People all around, although irritated, couldn't help but laugh. My niece and nephew were on both sides of me shaking with laughter and they couldn't contain it. Especially when the black guy screams "Suck my dick bitch, long and wet." Sooooo uncalled for, yet hilarious. He then talked about how the woman had more balls than the "Bitch ass" she was sitting next to. Then continued to argue and he was like "Suck my balls bitch. Put some hair on the bigger ones you have than that bitch ass you're sitting next to." I chuckled a few times while he was raving, because I couldn't believe how rude and obscene someone could be during a movie. I was amazed that, considering the price of movie tickets these days, someone would pay this money for a movie and just talk all the way through from beginning to end and cause trouble with the people around him. He and the woman continued to bicker and he said something stupid and she goes "What does that even mean?" and he says "It means what the fuck I meant it to mean. Simple bitch, go back to Minnesota." It was at this time I noticed the guy in front of us had yet to laugh throughout the whole encounter and when he started to laugh I couldn't hold it in. This simple comment had me dying of laughter, that and the fact that neither my niece or nephew could hold their laughter in, my nephew was slumped down in his seat so close to the floor pretty much crying with laughter. My niece, being 11 years old kept turning around and I had to keep making her face forward and covering her mouth because I didn't want this guy to start saying anything to her. Someone in the theater finally got up and went to get security. They came and asked him to step outside and of course he started to lie and say he wasn't doing anything or threatening anyone, but he stepped outside. I don't know what story he told security outside, but they let him back in. After he came back, HE STILL CONTINUED TO TALK. It was so ridiculous! What was even more unbelievable was that at the end of this movie the guy had the nerve to say the movie was retarded. I don't understand how he could make such an opinion when he wouldn't shut the hell up through the whole thing. When the movie was over and everyone started to exit the theatre, I noticed that the security was waiting outside, I guess to see if the guy would make good on his threats. We didn't stay to find out, it was such an irritating trip to the movies, but definitely not dull.

Seas would rise when I gave the word...

So the title has nothing to do with anything that will be in this post, but I'm listening to Viva La Vida by Coldplay right now, so yeah.

[ rant ]

I've come to realize that, I'm not the typical lovey, mushy relationship type of person. Like, I am capable of being in a romantic relationship, but I can't be that person to constantly use pet names, be all over each other all the time, lovey dovey omg baby this baby that...type of person. That just isn't me. Of course, I can be loving and caring, but I'm not THAT girl. It doesn't seem necessary to me. I'm not a two year old, don't talk to me in a baby voice, it makes me feel stupid. If you MUST call me a name such as 'baby' or anything along those lines, do not say it as if you're talking to an actual infant. I'm not trying to sound cold or anything, it just makes me feel uncomfortable and I find it rather sickening.

This guy I met the other day, it's really strange. Within the first 20 minutes of meeting me, you're asking me if I would want to be your girlfriend, okay...um...WHAT? And the day after you have me speak to your mother...and you're 23 years of age...then you're asking me if you can kiss me...and still asking if I'd consider being your girlfriend. First of all, NO you cannot kiss me, I do not know you like that, I've known you for barely 24 hours, I don't know anything about you and I'm not comfortable with you...AND you know nothing about me...my physical appearance apparently is what you like. For all he knows I can be some crazy psychopathic chick who will stalk him. Like, for serious bro? In accordance to the first paragraph...he is JUST that...the whole pet name calling, touchy feely, clingy person...at least this is what he's shown me so far. We were supposed to hang out last Thursday and I called him Wednesday night after I was assigned a paper and I told him I wouldn't be able to hang out because I had work to do, which wasn't a lie and he was rushing me off the phone and telling me he'd call me back so I left it at that. He didn't call me back that night and I can honestly say I was relieved.

So I get back from White Plains on Saturday and he calls, at first I thought about not answering, but I figured that's rude so I answered. His tone was completely different this call and I was like "Hm okay maybe he's not that bad." He pretty much tells me I'm too busy for him, I have too many excuses, I have to make time for him, he doesn't know if I like him...blah blah. Right okay...I apologize if I have some type of life, college is my top priority at the moment...sorry if I have homework and can't tend to your lust. I don't have to do anything, because...I DO NOT KNOW YOU....in the sense that...I just met you, what makes you so sure you are entitled to anything from me? You knew from the start that I was in school the majority of the week for an extensive amount of time each day....and NO I don't like you. What the hell is this like...seriously? Okay you show interest in me without really knowing me, so that means I should like you back just like that? Not at all kid. Yes, I call him a kid. Then what made me laugh a lot, he says "You know, a lot of people like me. I'm not trying to make you jealous or anything but there are a lot of people interested in me, but I'm interested in you right now." HAHA okay reverse psychology? Really? Did I NOT tell you I'm a Psychology major? Doesn't work on me kiddo. I'm supposed to jump all over that? Like seriously, that doesn't make me the slightest bit jealous, because there are no feelings there. If other people are interested in you, that's WONDERFUL...you're not gonna trick me into rushing things because there are other girls out there, if that's even true. And he's "interested" in me "right now" Okay well right now will pass, then it'll be "then" and he'll be interested in something else. Come on kid, I'm not one of these stupid chicken heads, I have a brain and I see through retarded games.

Now, my dilemma...being the nice person that I am, even though he's already irritated me. He got really excited because I said I had Tuesday off so he's like "So you'll meet me somewhere and we'll hang out?!" and I'm like "Sure..." now...I don't know what to do with this kid...I'm not gonna sit there and let him stare in my face and ask me stupid questions. So I figured I'd ask if he wanted to go to the movies or something? I don't know, the only decent movie that's out seems to be Taken, it sounds pretty interesting so hopefully he'll be up for that because I honestly don't know what to do. And because I am actually a nice person, I don't know how to let him down gently. My heart is in an entirely different place and with an entirely different person. Someone who like me, isn't too keen on the whole mushy gushy stuff, but can still be in a relationship. I didn't know I was in this for some weird right off the bat long term relationship, I guess people don't wait to actually become some one's friend first...and I don't like to hurt people's feelings so I don't know how to tell him that I don't like him, I don't want to be in a relationship with him and he comes on way too strong and he should fix that for future experiences. I feel like something like that would make him sad or cry or something. I don't know! Ack, he's already irrational and unpredictable...so like...can you just imagine if there was a relationship and I broke it off...I don't even wanna think about that.

[ / rant ]



ANYWAY...haha so aside from that drama, this has nothing to do with the story above...you know how you have stupid little crushes and what not? Well I definitely have one on my friend from school haha it's kinda funny idk, I don't usually crush, ever. I don't even know if this is just a crush or if I like him, but whatever. I think it's so interesting how your body and mind react to certain people. I'm obviously not good at hiding this fact, because people seem to notice in my gestures, body movements, and facial expressions when he comes around. Usually I don't feel nervous at all around him and I still don't. Today, however when he came into the station my heart was racing, I couldn't understand it lol. It was just like like whoaaaaaa haha. Usually I just smile a lot, especially when we hug. I'm surprised he didn't feel my heart beating so fast when we hugged today. That was new...anyway, I digress.


I'm sleepy, this was a long post, but that's good because I usually suck at keeping up these blog/journal things. So there's something recent in here. I guess tomorrow we'll see what happens with this overly affectionate kid in which was the subject of my rant. I'll laugh if he doesn't even call, but I feel like he won't forget lol. I don't knowwww though so I'll definitely be updating about that, and if we do hang out tomorrow, those details will surely be in here. I should start on some homework, or some research for the million and one presentations I have coming up this semester, but...sleep sounds much better right now. Ciao.

Ear stuffs. =)

Your eyes are the size of the moon...

Some more weird dreams:
1. A few nights ago I had some strange dream that I was now out on my own...and my old employers (whom I don't care too much for) were supporting me in college, like they made sure I had a dorm and all dorm needs and school needs...I don't even know what school this was, but it was strange. Even in the dream it was strange and I felt weird having them give me all these things when I'm sure in reality they don't like me either lol.

2. I don't know what club, organization, team, cult (lol) I had just joined but the rules were that I had to give up my Blackberry and take whatever phone that they provided from Verizon. When they handed me this phone I instantly hated it because it had a standard keypad and I can't stand those types of phones. Full QWERTY keyboards are my thing. However, the phone was cute, it was black white and hot pink and I thought that was cool so I was like "Fine, I'll deal with it for the time being." So next I know I'm in one of the locker rooms of my high school gym, because whatever I had just joined was ran by my high school gym teacher. I don't know if we were like secret agents or what LOL but all of the things we had to connect us to our regular selves we had to get rid of. So we're getting ready to leave for some event that we MUST attend and I dropped my phone and I was like "Shit...I just got it and I hate it so much that I'm already unconciously trying to destroy it." So we're all being rushed and I pick up my phone really quickly and I swear I felt it move in some kind of way when I grabbed it so I'm looking at it and there's like a line down the side of it so I flip it and there's a full QWERTY keyboard when it flips up and I got really excited so I was like "YAY! Now I like this phone." But THEN I started worrying, because I had a completely new number that I didn't even know and we were only able to give our new numbers to a select few and no one would tell me my new number and I was complaining because I couldn't text my friends and my mother, sister, niece and nephew to tell them the number. So we had to go to some event and apparently Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown were there and they pass me and I didn't give a shit about Whitney but apparently I was a huge Bobby Brown fan (NOT AT ALL) and I was like "OMG Bobby, can we take a piture on my new phone?!" So he's like "Sure." (In the dream he wasn't all cracked out) and we're trying to take pictures of ourselves on the phone and then some random guy grabs the phone and is like "LET ME DO IT!" and he was definitely not doing it right and I was getting upset and then I woke up.... wtf @ Bobby Brown.

3. I just had this about a half hour ago and I woke up like...wtf. I was in California I believe with Ebony and Fallon and we were coming out of some huge store with shopping bags (well Ebony and I had shopping bags, Fallon was looking at us like we were strange) and in the bags are newborns...like just born, small and everything. Apparently it wasn't strange or illegal at all that we just BOUGHT these newborns. I'm not sure what Ebony had in her bag but in mine were two small light skinned baby boys. However, at first I only saw one baby, because the other one was lying under him lol...I named the first one Jacob and he had on a little royal blue hat and then he moved and I saw the other one under him so I fixed their positions so that they were both able to move at their own will and one wasn't ontop of the other and I named the second boy Zachary and he had on a lime green hat lol. They were adorable...I'll just say that...and then they opened their eyes, so cute. They both had pretty light brown eyes. After that I was being all motherly, cooing and kissing their faces and then they both would make kissy faces and smile and they both had FULL FUCKING SET OF TEETH....wtf?! Then I woke up to the sound of my laptop making the IM sound over and over so I got up and go figure it was Fallon and I told her the dream. =]

I'll have to start updating this thing more or something, idk I gues my life isn't that exciting lol. Ciao.

Here's some ear candy: It's been stuck in my head since someone was singing it at the station yesterday and though I barely know the words the melody is stuck in there.

Who'll save your heart this time?

I'm so over this school thing. I don't mind actually being in school and being at the station, but I'm so over going to class and doing the work. Maybe it's just because I don't like the classes I'm taking this semester or what but ugh so irritating. Speaking of the station, I'm the new Program Director, so that's pretty cool. I'll have a lot of work to do but I guess it'll be worth it. I have to find some people who'll be interested in helping me since I can't be at the station every day.

Anyway back to ranting about school, I don't like the fact that I'm paying to be there, yet they're telling me what I have to take in order to graduate...it's like high school all over again. I don't mind them telling me what I have to take for my specific major, but don't tell me I have to take two full years of a foreign language just to get out of there. Blah...obviously I'm just gonna bare it but it's frustrating. I think it's just another way for people to control your life...idk...


Umm besides school, nothing much is up...haha so I def need some caffeine pills to stay up especially in Theatre and Psych, even if I get a good night's sleep, good breakfast and lunch, there's no way I can stay up in those classes, they're so boring and late. So I was on Target on Saturday and I'm in the pill section in the vitamins and supplements and stuff like that, you'd think that's where caffeine pills would be right? Yeah, no. I couldn't find them, so I go to the pharmacy and I ask a guy there where their caffeine pills were and he tells me aisle A4 so I go there and it's just pain relievers so I'm like how about not? So I go back to the vitamins and stuff and he's like "you're in the wrong aisle" and I'm like "No, you obviously don't know where you work." thus I still haven't gotten any caffeine pills and they are necessary to the agenda.


Oh, oh, oh and these weird dreams are getting a little out of hand lol. Last night I had two weird ones...I don't remember much in detail but the first one pretty much I was at some award show, and my nephew, my sister and I steal Snoop Dogg's car, which is like some old school kind of car, but it was nice and I'm the one driving and his whole entourage gets in their cars and they're like chasing me and trying to block me from the exit of the lot and all you hear is Snoop Dogg yelling "No mother fucker steals my shit!" and some how I make it out passed the gangstas, but they don't proceed to follow me out of the lot. So I drive to some huge house which is apparently mine. I have no clue where I was or why I had a house that big...anyway we're all hiding out in this house and going about our day like normal, my nephew was in the kitchen getting something to eat and I realized that we were actually driving a boat and that I had to park it in my swimming pool...and someone had to keep guard of the swimming pool so Snoop's gangstas don't come and take it back...so weird...

And the second...I was in some office and I was told I was pregnant (yeah idk wtf is up with all of these pregnancy dreams) and apparently the father of the baby was this kid I go to school with (not going to mention his name, but ughh so hot <3) and so they tell me it's a boy and the father is insisting that I name it after him and I'm like "No, I don't like your name much, sorry." so I decide on a different name. However, I had a really strong feeling that it was a girl even though the doctors were assuring me it wasn't...but one odd doctor who was creepily nice was like "Don't worry we'll take some tests and we'll all know for sure then." it was strange, but that was pretty much it...seriously...what the hell? lol I need to go to a dream analyst or something.

I don't know what else to write here, I'm tired...I have to be up at 4:45 tomorrow morning in order to be at school by like 7:30 to be in class by 8...and I need to shower. Ciao.

Strange dreams...

Wtffffff...seriously okay this one was just extremely creepy and I really don't even get it. So I was going down to Georgia to visit my friend Jazmin and my god daughter and for whatever reason I had to meet them at one of the hospitals down there, but it really didn't even look like a hospital...Moreso like a big waiting room with little offices...so apparently we're in the maternity ward, if you could call this place that and I'm sitting around all these women and by this point Jazmin and Asiyah (her daughter, my god daughter) aren't anywhere around there anymore so I'm waiting and then I black out...when I wake up this nurse is handing me a really small pre-mature baby, no clothes, it's all bloody and like it was just born and I'm sitting in this chair like...um what the hell?...and she's like "this is your baby" and i'm like "since when? and why is it so small?" (I apparently couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl?) and she tells me that the baby is 25 weeks and I'm like "okay well is it gonna live? why isn't it in an incubator? why isn't it on oxygen?" like all these questions as to why I'm in a hospital and they're handing me a premature baby and not helping it. So she tells me "You have to keep it with you and it will get better." and that confused me, I kept telling her that made no sense. So I had to stay there and carry the baby in this tin box that looked like an ID case just a lot bigger and it had an angel engraved on the cover. I was told to keep checking it periodically to see if the baby's chest was rising to make sure it was still breathing and I'd see it get better. It was all so weird so I'm waiting around this hospital checking the box at different intervals of the day and I start to see the baby getting a little bigger and instead of being 'new born pink' like when she first handed it to me it was light skinned and still breathing so next time I checked it, I was told I could take it out for a little while and hold it and rock it...so I do as I'm told and the baby all of a sudden has on a blue onsie and a blue hat and I'm like "So it's a boy?" and they confirmed it (never looking at the genitals or anything, it was like they were invisible, they were there, but no one looked or saw them ever.) so I'm like "Okay, I have a son." so I start warming up to the idea and I'm carrying him around, he's still small but breathing fine and then he opens his eyes and he's got these big brown eyes and I just fell in love with this little angel so to speak I guess, idk...so he's getting healthier and bigger and they tell me I can take him home and I tell them I'm here visiting a friend, yet I still can't find Jazmin or Asiyah anywhere and for whatever reason I didn't have my cellphone to call her and I didn't have her number memorized so I couldn't use their phone to call her. So I get to leave and my mom is driving a van and I'm sitting with the baby in a carseat and I look over and he's still the same, light skin, small, still dressed in blue and sleeping. So I look away and I guess like new mothers tend to do they keep checking their babies every few mins/secs and what not so I look back at him and now he's completely different...bigger like the average new born, but he's no longer a he apparently? SHE now had on a pink outfit, a pink hat, and she was dark and I'm just like....What...the...fuck? and my mom all of a sudden is like "Do you know who the father is?" and i'm like "......yes...but that doesn't explain anything...wtf just happened..." and my mom gets furious and then I woke up...

What the hell with these dreams, like seriously? I don't understand...so freaky...

Do you catch your breath when I look at you?

Holaaaaa

So, I'll admit it, my crush, is irritating me. =] I don't know what much more there is to say about it. Usually I get all these random texts throughout the day and night and now I get nada...I texted to see how he was and what not and didn't get a response sooooo idk...I'm like wtf? but whatever.

So I finally allowed myself to finish Breaking Dawn a week or two ago and I think the entire series was great, I wish there were more. Apparently Meyer is supposed to be writing Edward's version of 'Twilight' called 'Midnight Sun' so hopefully she does, that'd be cool to read it from another perspective. Since I have absolutely nothing to do this break, I figured I'd read the series over. And I thought it'd be boring and I wouldn't wanna read it, but I actually feel like I haven't read the book yet, I'm about halway done through 'Twilight' and I'm reading it with no problem. =]

Ugh, I feel fat and gross right now and I don't even know why (aside from the fact that I am fat and gross lol) I think it's because I'm here all day and don't do anythingggg ahh, so annoying. I think tomorrow I'm gonna go do some shopping for new clothes for the upcoming semester so that should be refreshing.

This Saturday I'm going to the OS Art House downtown with Fallon to see Raposo, so that's something to do, hopefully it's a good time.

Aside from all of that nothing much is really up with me right now...I guess we'll see when school starts back up.

Here's some ear candy...relevent? Hmm, the chorus is.